so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
