My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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