I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
