Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my shit smells like andre
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
