It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
