i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
