I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
