So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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