for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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