If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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