I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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