I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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