Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
