Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
