You can't special order awesome
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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