i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
