he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
