I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
