Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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