I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
