Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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