when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
