Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
