just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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