I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
