Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
