Moan for me like Helen Keller
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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