Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
