Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
