he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
