Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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