so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
