I wanna passion pit in your ass
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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