I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
