the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
