You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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