doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
