So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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