You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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