Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
