this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
