I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
