i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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