Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
