Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
