Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
