Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
