just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Help. Why am I so naked?
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