alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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