I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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