Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
