Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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